Hi Freedom Fans,
Today I'm focusing on freedom from fear. Last week, we thought about how Black Friday creates a lot of fear of missing out (FOMO). This week, I've been focusing on a mindset of patience, and this mindset lines up so well with finding freedom from fear. The unknown is often such a driver of fear. That is where FOMO comes from. It's a fear that, in this case, the unknown is so much better than the current known status.
When I act from fear like this, I always end up disappointed. I don't think it has anything to do with the decision ultimately. I think it is more an issue of timing. Often the things we're concerned about missing out on are things that we typically value. I've become more clear on how timing affects the perception of the outcome.
I know, I know, it is a saying, 'Timing is everything,' but things like this are often so much easier to say than they are to see and harness in our regular lives. Another paraphrasing of a typical cliche, but it does fit. So how do we get distance from our decisions to allow ourselves the freedom of clarity?
I use an idea I call to change the relationship. For me, the idea of changing a relationship with something is a very objective place from which to approach things. This idea allows me to step outside of personal decision-making and creates space to think about the process of decision-making.
What data points do I want to consider before making a final decision? What data points are critical, and what relationship do they have?
What can data points be considered nice to have instead of need to have?
What outcome do I want?
What are the risks?
Is time a factor?
What do I gain from waiting?
What do I lose from waiting?
Changing the relationship is also about reframing. It lets me be open to learning about the current state of the relationship and then make informed choices about how I'd like that relationship to change going forward. It is a continuous improvement process we can use to enable incremental growth.
The growth isn't free, though. It requires me to do the work. I must be open to change and willing to engage at that objective process level. I must be a learner, and I must be patient with myself. Freedom from fear is a simple saying and a clear idea, but it's also all of these things. Patience is freedom. We pay for freedom with patience because we must be patient with others and be patient with ourselves. Otherwise, we will always be a slave to reaction. We are reacting impatiently to every moment. Patience allows us to choose our actions and our timing. We can't control the external stimulus, but we can control how we react to it, and this control manifests through patience.
We can not be both fearful and patient at the same time. That combination is anxiety: the effort to be patient and suppress the fear. So one key for me here is to avoid burying the fear. Fear must be acknowledged, and it forces itself to be recognized. If I attempt to ignore it, it will leak out unhelpfully at undesirable times.
So we must accept that fear will always be there. It does not get to make decisions, but it will always be there, along for the ride. We can examine the fear and learn from it, but we do not let it drive. When fear takes over, it leads us to make ill-timed decisions and disappointment.
Stay Safe Out There!
~Zach